Namesake

So someone asked where I came up with the title for my blog, and I figured I'd just blog the answer. I came up with the name while I was pumping milk for Tirzah while she was in the NICU and was sill too small to latch on. I've always heard the phrase "don't cry over spilled milk," but when the hospital calls it liquid gold and you need to save all of it so they have enough to not have to give the baby formula when you want her to have the best, so you pump every two hours on the dot, and set an alarm at night to pump every 3 hours, and some of it spills, it makes you feel like crying. And then laughing because, well, some of those instances of spilled milk were totally funny. First time was while I was still in my post partum room at Joes. I was using their hospital grade pump that came on a stand with little bottle holders in front. Only I was still only producing colostrum, so I wasn't using bottles, I was using these little collection tubes that fit on the pump pieces. And those little tubes did not stand up in the bottle holders very well. I set them in there when I was done, and turned to grab the syringe the nursery provides to collect and store it in for them. I unscrewed the top and went to set that down and the tube full of only enough to fill a syringe that I had worked for the last half hour to get went flying onto the floor. And I started bawling. It was traumatic, and I was hormonal so it caused a gross overreaction.

The second time was the night before they were going to release Tirzah, so the hospital has you room in together, maybe to make sure they are not releasing your baby to a lunatic. (Mistake on their part! They don't know me very well:) Because I was not a patient and Tirzah was a patient of the nursery, anytime you need something you have to call one of the NICU nurses to come assist you, and not the post partum  nurses. We settled into the room and I change into the only pair of pajamas I had brought, and sat down to pump, as Tirzah still was not able to latch on for long enough to do a full feed and was having problems pacing herself and mastering the suck, swallow, breath thing (as in she would go and go and not take a breath) so she was still using a preemie nipple and bottle. Finished pumping (milk had come in by this time, so it was a good amount). Unscrewed the pump and the lid to the collection container (sounds better than pee cup-which is really what the collection containers they use are-sterile of course, but still funny) and poured the milk from the pump bottle to my little container, reached for the lid, and BAM knocked over my freshly pumped milk trying to get the lid for it. Knocked it over, not on the floor, but on me and my one pair of pajamas, my freshly made bed and bed sheets, and my cup of hot tea. After I finished having a melt down, I pick up the phone and call my nurse, explaining to her that I just spilled breast milk all over my self, my only set of clothing, and my bedding. She responded by laughing hysterically, which made me laugh/cry (you CAN do both) and assured me that it happened all the time (pretty sure she just said that to make me feel better) and said she would bring me a gown and new bedding.

The last memorable instance of spilled milk and the one that named my future blog was once we were home. I was getting up every three hours to pump and maintain my supply and keep myself from getting painfully overfull, which to be honest was torture. A well meaning person told me that it shouldn't be any different than getting up in the middle of the night to nurse your baby, but it was. When I wake up at night to nurse a baby, I lay them next to me, latch them on and go back to sleep. Mastering the side lying position was pure bliss-had it down by the time Thomas was a couple months old . I really didn't miss out on too much sleep with Thomas and Jaksyn because I kept them in a bassinet by my bed and could just sit up, grab em, and lay back down. I am far too lazy a person to bottle feed. So, I'm up every three hours pumping for 20 minutes each time, meaning I had to be sitting up and awake as you cannot  lay down and pump. Then I would have to get up, put half in a bottle to feed to Tirzah (which would take another 20-30 minutes as she was on a super slow flow nipple to keep her from gagging, and I'd have to be sitting up to give her the bottle because her head still needed to be higher than her body) put the other half in a storage bag for the freezer, wash the pump pieces for the next use, and go feed Tirzah. Between the pumping and feeding I was up for a total of about an hour every three hours at night, which equals not enough sleep. And I still had the two boys to be up with during the day which meant I wasn't getting a nap, and other than the few times they were at grandma's or lola's when they had nothing going on and were feeling up for kids, I was on my own while Stephen was at work, and recovering from a gnarly uterine and kidney infection. Well meaning input, but from my perspective, stupid. No offense.  Sleep deprivation is never a good thing. So anyways this night, I was up for the second time, pumping milk and was overly exhausted, and nodded off while I was pumping. I must have been dreaming about bathing or hot tub because all of a sudden I realized I was soaking wet. I look down to realize that it had been longer than 20 minutes and the pump was overflowing into my lap and all over my bed. It was a huge mess! So I turn off the pump and unhook the tubes and attempt to carry them to the kitchen over my pulled out shirt to try and prevent spilling on the floor through my house. Once that was taken care of and I had cleaned up and changed my clothes and cleaned the floor next to my bed, I then had to change my bed sheets in the middle of the night, and proceed with a load of laundry, and feeding Tirzah before getting to go back to sleep. I had to joke the next day about blogging my pumping escapades and naming the blog "crying over spilled milk." 

So there you go. And even though I am no longer pumping and Tirzah is a breastfeeding champ, it still applies because I have an overly abundant milk supply and there is still spillage through leaking, spraying, and spitting it back up onto me. And I still cry over my milk sometimes because Tirzah and I had a resistant case of thrush from all the antibiotics we had to take in relation to her preterm birth and the after infection, which other than gas didn't seem to bother her, but causes mom pain, and after that cleared up,  now a case mastitis stemming from milk ducts clogging because of the thrush and having too much milk. Waiting for that to clear up so we can move into the pleasantness of nursing my baby!

No Promises!

So I finally set up my blog. I tried another site, but it wasn't working out. This one seems simple enough, I think I can figure it out! So, my blog. My intention is to blog my experiences as a mom, a wife, a Christian woman with a lot to learn, my opinions, and my journey in our dietary changes we are making due to Stephen and the kids kidney health and my cardiac health. I make no promises about this blog-I tend to be random, loud and opinionated, and I tend to have a brain/mouth (or in this case, finger) disconnect. So my disclaimer to this blog is that all content is expressly my opinions and experiences, and my journey. So take it for what it's worth.